WHY DO WE IGNORE RED FLAGS IN DATING OR ENGAGED RELATIONSHIPS?

WHY WE MAY IGNORE RED FLAGS WHEN DATING OR ENGAGED?

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Transcript

Joshua JD Williams: 1:31

so the question is why do we sometimes ignore red flags whenever we're dating or engaged in my perception of why sometimes we may ignore these red flags is that sometimes we want to see the best in people like sometimes we want to see that that happy ending that we kind of had pictured in our mind about that situation so that means that if for instance you haven't been in a in a good relationship in a while and someone comes along and they tell you hey i want the same things that you want or they tell you all the things that that fit this picture that you already had previously set in your mind before you even met this person, then sometimes whenever you start seeing things that may be a little bit inconsistent than what you had previously thought, sometimes we like to rationalize those things out and try to, I guess, convince ourselves that maybe we didn't see what we see. and sometimes in like even the worst case scenarios you may be with a person that may try to convince you that you didn't see what you see and that's on the worst case scenario now everybody's not like that but in certain situations it is like that where you you might be with someone and this may be a red flag and that person might be just trying to manipulate you or just tell you hey you didn't see what you saw or whatever the case may be but when you start seeing those red flags you need to kind of ask yourself like am i really like ask yourself am i really seeing what i'm seeing like is this something that is crossing my boundaries is this something that seems disloyal or seems dishonest or or doesn't fit the direction that I'm going in a lot of times you have to like question yourself in these moments because a lot of times your heart is involved a lot of times your feelings are involved a lot of times those particular feelings those typical emotions can kind of sway the way that you actually feel logically about a situation that you actually just witnessed in your relationship and There's absolutely nothing wrong with that because a lot of times we like to blame ourselves for ignoring red flags. I tell people all the time that sometimes you just have to get off of your back. Don't judge yourself so harshly for not doing what you were supposed to do then. Honestly, whenever you enter into a relationship, especially if this is a serious dating relationship or even engaged, you're entering into these situations wholeheartedly. You're not expecting to see any red flags. You're not expecting to see something just go off track or anything like that. You're expecting to have this genuine, fulfilling relationship. loving relationship. That's what most people are expecting whenever they commit to someone. That's not necessarily saying that you would want to see these things before you actually say you want to commit, but I'm talking about when you commit to that person, you're expecting to see that loyalty, that trust, that respect, that love, that admiration, that reciprocation, that and when you don't when you don't get that like when you don't receive that that's that's when those questions start coming about like that's when you start like really reviewing the past you know couple months the past couple years to see if you did miss something like if you did miss a flag or two in that whole process and you might you might have like you might have missed a couple different areas where Oh, this may not have been right, or this may not have sounded good, or maybe this person wasn't the right fit for me. You might have those questions at that point. But my advice to you is not to judge yourself so harshly. Don't push yourself so much to a point to where you start blaming yourself for being in love. to actually just wanting something decent, like wanting something nice for yourself. Like don't blame yourself for being human because at the end of the day, we're all human and we all make mistakes. So when you start reviewing red flags, especially in your dating or engaged relationship, look at the situation as a whole. Like look at the situation as, okay, I'm in this situation. I'm starting to see that there are some inconsistencies here. There are some things that are not matching up for me. Have the conversation. Get with that person. Have the conversation. Just follow your instincts. Follow your heart. Follow your instincts. Review the information. and see which direction you kind of want to move in but at the end of the day everything about communication and everything about is about your perception and not just solely about what the other person is telling you because at the end of the day you personally have to be happy in that situation that you're in like you have to be happy in that relationship in order to make somebody else happy and content in that relationship so take your time and actually like review the information that is present in front of you and then make the appropriate decision and that's the best thing that you can actually do because at the end of the day these red flags the biggest question of why do people sometimes ignore red flags you don't ignore red flags you see them like you saw the red like the flag that was flying you saw it like it wasn't anything that was like you were ignoring it or anything like that it was there like you seen it So it's not a point about you ignoring it. It's in fact about what do you do when you witness it? What do you do when you see it? How do you move when you figure out that this is not something that fits that image that you had? This is not something that goes with the direction that you want to go in. That's a life choice. That's a you choice. You have to decide then, after you see something that is inconsistent in what you want or need in your life, what do you do? Which direction do you go in? A lot of times it takes you actually taking that information, taking time for yourself, and actually just making the appropriate decision. Because if this is like in the beginning of that relationship, your heart is going to be involved. Like, I mean, your emotions are going to be involved. There's no way around that. You just got to kind of figure out based on what you want and need in your life, which decision that you really just want to make. And that goes bigger than just hoping that this situation gets better. That's bigger than that. That's just you looking at like the facts and actually figuring out whether the facts actually going to match what I actually need and want in my life. So that's the truth about being in relationships.